I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
