Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
