I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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