Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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