He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
