you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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