dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
