and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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