I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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