This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
