i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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