No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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