Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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