The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
