I cockslap morals
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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