dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
