If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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