I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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