Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
