I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
