I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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