hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
