so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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