i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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