The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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