OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
