3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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