So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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