True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
