i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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