So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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