Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
