Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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