I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
