what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
