i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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