We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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