i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
