Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was confusing and full of hummus
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
