Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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