I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
