Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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