next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
