If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
