i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
