return my video game
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
