What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
