i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
