Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
