He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want her autograph on my taint
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
