Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
