just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
