She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
