I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
