I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
