I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
