6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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