Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
