i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
