how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
