...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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