Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
