the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
