Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
