I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
