Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
